By Qianyu (Margaret) Cheng
Hi, it’s Qianyu (Margaret). How’s the semester going for everyone? The first midterm is coming up and I am sure you can do it! Today’s topic is about interpersonal communication and cultural context.
Back when I first came to U.S., and when I was already a sophomore, I was okay with my grade as I got used to the university system. I also got involved in club activities and events on campus and I had a group of friends. The only concern was: I don’t know how to talk.
I am okay with formal English usage, because as the time went on I gradually learned how to order food or coffee in dining hall, and how to ask my advisor about my academic progress. The only thing was that I didn’t know how to make small talk.
When I met people I don’t know, it’s hard to initiate the conversation. And even when the conversation started, it was still hard to continue. Every native speaker speaks and talks to each other in a completely different way. But, when I talked to a native speaker, both of us felt awkward. I just can’t figure out why. I mean I can make friends with the students from my country both in my native language and in English pretty easy.
However, since what I did everyday was just studying and talked to friends from my own country, it wasn’t an issue for me at first. It wasn’t necessary for me to have a small talk with strangers. I didn’t know how to talk, but it was okay, or at least at that moment it was okay.
When time went on, I finally found out that it was not so okay. At the beginning of second semester, I really got into trouble. I had a chance to go to a camp, and almost everyone around me was native speaker. I had to talk to them, eat meal with them and discuss with them. Now it is not so hard for me to talk and make friends, but back then it was not. I rarely talked and when I did, it was hard for another person to continue.
However, later on I found that some international students could have a normal and casual conversation with native speaker as well. It takes practice but it is possible. When I was taking an interpersonal communication class, I really found out that some way I communicated with people was wrong.
First, I notice that nonverbal communication is important. Before then, I avoided eye contact and looked scared or anxious when I talked, simply because I was not confident about my speaking skills. I was afraid of being judged by people because of my accent and rate of speaking. But the other people have no idea that I was afraid. He or she may think I was distracted, or was not interested in starting a conversation. So gradually when I become more confident, I will smile and look into the others’ eyes, so that the other person will think I am friendly, and feel more comfortable to start the conversation.
What’s more, I found out that I should not only talk about content but also know the relationship. At first every conversation in English I have simply presented content. Phrase like “ I want to get combo one,” or “I am here to have my resume critique form signed.” I have no idea that it might sound odd to native speaker. It might sound more proper if it’s “Can I get combo one?” or “Can I have my resume signed?” Just like in Chinese and Japanese and other languages, English also has a more polite choice of language depend on situation. In interpersonal communication, the conversation not only conveys the content, but also the relationship that two people have. Thus, plain content conversation might sound not so appropriate, but it’s just because I don’t know how to say it more appropriate in English. The other might be when I missed my homework or I have to apologize, I have no clue what the appropriate way is. So I began to learn by imitating what others say. When I wrote e-mail, I will find out the proper way to write in online, and also take a look at my professor or classmates’ email.
Last but not least, don’t hesitate to talk to people who look different from you. Everyone has his or her own story and point of view, as well as unique perspective. Someone may look different, but he or she has the same heart as you do. So just speak out and ask what they think. Before I figures out this point out, I only initiated talk with international students who look like me, and I didn’t know how to talk to people who seem different from me, so it was easier for me to not start the conversation. However, later on I got to meet some awesome friends who look nothing like me, but still we had a lot in common and could talk just like I talk with any of my friends who speak my native language. Since then I finally realize that no matter how much we look different, we are all the same inside.
That is all I want to mention from my previous experience. Although that’s what I think is important to have a normal everyday conversation, it is really a matter of practice and how long you have put yourself out to somewhere you are not familiar with. The more you merge yourself into university life and U.S. culture, the easier you will feel to communication with one another, both nonverbal, relationship and initiate talking. Until now I am still not 100% confident to talk to a stranger out of blue, but I am getting better and better everyday. Same phrase, practice makes perfect.
