When we were children, we often felt confident. We had that spark of innocence and joy, and we didn't know what it was to feel inadequate. But as we grow up, our worlds get bigger and more complex. As a result, we start to wonder if we're good enough for this world.
We might compare ourselves to others or set unrealistic expectations for ourselves based on other people's standards. This is particularly the case when it comes to perfectionism. Whenever we want to do something, it has to be done just right--even if this means spending hours on end agonizing over what simple word should go in a sentence, or which outfit looks the best. Here are some ways you can stop being so hard on yourself.
Understand the roots of your perfectionism
One of the best ways to stop being hard on yourself is to understand the roots of your perfectionism.
For some, it might be that they never got the support they needed growing up. For others, it might be their fear of failure. Whatever the reason, understanding why you are so hard on yourself is the first step to overcoming it.
Take some time for yourself to really think about what your perfectionism means. What are you trying to achieve?
What are you afraid of if you don't succeed? What would happen if you just accepted that you're not perfect and that's okay?
Once you answer these questions, it will be easier to take the next step--letting go of your perfectionism.
But there are also other ways you can stop being hard on yourself if this doesn't work for you.
Find support
If you find that you're being too hard on yourself, it's time to stop. Find someone you trust that you can talk to about your struggles. This could be a friend, family member, co-worker, or even a therapist. Talking to someone about the things that are troubling you will allow you to gain perspective on the situation.
You should also take time for yourself every day. Turn off your phone, put your computer away, and spend some time alone. Doing this will allow you to come back to the world feeling refreshed and ready to take on anything.
Finally, write down your worries. By getting them down on paper, you'll find that they don't seem as daunting as before. And if you still can't shake that feeling of not being good enough? Keep writing. It feels good to get all of your thoughts out even if it seems like no one else will read them.
By letting go of perfectionism and stopping to worry about things, you will find so much more success in your endeavors.
Use positive self-talk
Your inner voice is always with you. There's no way to avoid it. However, you can make it work for you.
The first step in stopping yourself from being so hard on yourself is to set up a positive inner voice. You can do this by saying things like, "You're doing just fine, don't worry."
You might be surprised at how much power this simple act has. Once you start telling yourself that you're doing just fine, you might have more confidence or be able to overlook your mistakes.
Make time for yourself
When we feel overwhelmed and overworked, we need to make time for ourselves. One of the most effective ways to start is by taking a break. It can be hard to justify leaving your work to take a break, but it's important to recognize that this isn't just about you--your employees and customers will appreciate it too. When you take a break, do something that makes you happy. Whether that’s spending time with friends or family, or just sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine, time for yourself is important and should not be underestimated.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes
When we're our own harshest critics, we often put too much pressure on ourselves to succeed or do everything perfectly. The problem with this is that we end up avoiding tasks we might otherwise enjoy because we're afraid of doing them wrong. Instead, when you're feeling like you're not good enough, give yourself permission to make mistakes and do things imperfectly. You'll find that taking risks won't be as scary when you give yourself permission to do them wrong sometimes.
Challenge your beliefs
The first step to battling your inner critic is to challenge your beliefs. Start by looking at the answers to a few questions:
- What does it mean for me to be perfect?
- What would happen if I wasn't perfect?
- Would not being perfect really be that bad?
- What would happen if I wasn't perfect?
Asking yourself these questions can help you understand why you're so hard on yourself.
Another way you can challenge your beliefs is by looking at what perfectionism is costing you. For example, if you're not able to spend time with your family because you're too busy trying to perfect your work, your relationship may start to suffer. If you're constantly criticizing yourself for not being good enough, it might lead to depression or anxiety.
Challenging your beliefs is key to overcoming perfectionism.
Conclusion
You might not think that perfectionism is a problem. You might even think that it's a good thing because it encourages you to do your best.
But perfectionism can take its toll on your mental health and wellbeing. If you're constantly putting pressure on yourself to do the perfect job, it might lead to self-sabotage. The pressure might make you procrastinate, or it might make you avoid any task at all.
This can lead to a vicious cycle where the more you avoid a task, the less confident you'll feel. You'll stop believing in your abilities or even your worth as a person.
The good news is that it is possible to interrupt this pattern. One way is to acknowledge that perfectionism is a problem for you and take steps to work on it.
For example, you could start by reducing the number of tasks you give yourself or by setting specific time limits for each task. You could also have a setlist of what counts as “good enough” so you don't have to worry about being perfect.
You might find that being a little bit less hard on yourself will lead to a much better life!
Sources: https://uprisehigh.com/build-yourself/lets-end-your-struggle-with-self-acceptance-right-now/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology)
