Empathy and sympathy. As a kid, I always thought they could be used interchangeably. Why wouldn’t they be? They sound the same and they are used in similar contexts…of course they must mean the same thing. In my mind, sympathy and empathy was the state of mind and help you offered when someone came to you and told you about their vulnerabilities. Well, this isn’t exactly the case. For starters, sympathy is when you’re feeling for someone i.e., you are listening to them and are there for them. On the other hand, empathy is when you’re feeling with someone i.e., you’re imagining yourself in a similar situation so that you emotionally connect and understand what the other person is going through. Understanding this difference is the key to being a better leader. Although I mention leaders, this also applies to just being a better friend, companion, and person in general.
The better you connect with someone, the easier it is for you to appropriately help them in times of hardship. Empathy is not just a switch you can flip on and suddenly you’re better at it. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. So how do you practice empathy?
2 ways to I try to do so are:
1. Be curious and listen deeply – One of the first things you can start doing to be more empathetic, is just be more attentive when listening to others. Don’t just listen for the sake of it, actually pay attention to what the other person is saying. Maintain eye contact and give appropriate responses (this can be as simple as just nodding your head in agreement) but, make sure that you don’t (emphasis on don’t) interrupt them. As tempting as it may seem (and believe me, I’ve been there and still catch myself doing it sometimes) your role as a listener is to…well... listen. If you’re ever not sure of what to say or do, just ask the other person how they want you to help. Often, we pressure ourselves into thinking that we HAVE to come up with some solution to help them. Sometimes we just can’t do anything, and we feel helpless. Instead of trying to guess what to do, just ask them. It won’t leave you questioning, and they actually get what they need.
2. Walk in the shoes of others – Empathy involves feeling with someone. So, it makes sense to walk in their shoes to help you better understand what they are going through. Putting yourself in a situation that they are going through will help you properly understand how they are feeling. Obviously, this can be a lot more difficult than it sounds. Sometimes you just can’t picture yourself in a particular situation and you’re just lost on how to approach it. During times like these, I do one of two things:
a. Picturing yourself in a situation that’s as close as possible to what the other person is going through. Maybe someone is sad that they lost a badminton tournament after working so hard. The closest situation for me would be doing bad on a test that I studied really hard for. Note that although this is beneficial, don’t always assume that they are reacting the same way you would. Everyone is different, so approach the situation keeping that in mind.
b. This second part is more important to me, and it’s when you are in these situations to just say “I don’t know what to say.” Yeah, as obvious as it may seem, sometimes we feel like we HAVE to give an appropriate response and don’t consider that saying “I don’t know” is one as well. People often just want to be heard, so just listening is enough to be empathetic and let them know that you are there for them.
Being empathetic is great. We should always be empathetic, right? Nope. Like everything else, too much of anything can be harmful. Being empathetic involves putting yourself in a vulnerable position to better connect with others, but that sometimes requires a lot of energy. It is always important to prioritize your wellbeing first so if you feel that being empathetic is becoming too overwhelming, remember to take a step back for yourself. It may be difficult sometimes but always remember that you can only practice empathy properly if you yourself are in a proper state of mind to do so.
Practicing empathy takes time. I still sometimes find myself unable to do so and that is okay. As long as you make an effort to be better, you’re on the right track. Just remember that there is always room to improve, and nothing is perfect. It is okay if you sometimes fail to be empathetic. Just remember to learn from your experience and try your best next time
